It is kinda like an enema....

...okay...that title has very little to do with what I am about to write, but I could not resist using it. You see, I had a day with a very dear friend this week. A friend with whom a day is a magical thing because of where we both are in our lives. At the end of the day, we clung to each other and expressed how grateful we are for these snippets of time together and how we each feel strengthened and renewed by the other one and why in the world does the universe never allow us to be together. I kissed her cheek and expressed my thanks to her for her cleansing presence. Her final thought to me, "Yep, I am kinda like an enema". And she is! Heeheehee!!

But let me get to the reason that I sat down at this computer tonight. I have spent the past couple of days stuck on a letter. This is a letter written by C.S. Lewis to an acquaintance. And I mean barely an acquaintance, at the time the letter was written. But these two men shared a number of common friends and the man had written to Mr. Lewis because he was trying to come to an understanding of Christianity and what it all meant. I think that I would have dearly loved C.S. Lewis. From his first reply to this relatively unknown soul, Mr. Lewis wrote with intimacy and love. I am wont to frighten people with my jumps to intimacy in conversation, and I could learn a great deal how to handle this better from Mr. Lewis. I am going to have to study his correspondence further.

Anyway, back to this letter. I am referring to the second letter that Mr. Lewis wrote in this exchange. In this letter he speaks in such a brilliant way about Christianity and the Savior and our relationship with the Savior and with our Father's plan for us. It is truly a marvel, each of his words. I just had to share a few of them that really struck me and perhaps changed my life.

"I do not think that there is a demonstrative proof (like Euclid) of Christianity, nor of the existence of matter, nor of the good will and honesty of my best and oldest friends. I do think that all three are (except perhaps the second) far more probable than the alternative. As to why God doesn't make it demonstratively clear: are we sure that He is even interested in the kind of Theism which could be a compelled logical assent to a conclusive argument? Are we interested in it in personal matters? I demand from my friend a trust in my good faith which is certain without demonstrative proof. It wouldn't be confidence at all if he waited for rigorous proof. Hang it all, the very fairy-tales embody the truth. Othello believed in Desdemona's innocence when it was proved: but that was too late. Lear believed in Cordelia's love when it was proved: but that was too late.

Whoa! I find myself asking for proof, all the time any more and that is not what I should be asking. I need to be giving Him the same kind of confidence that I demand from my friends and from Him towards me. God likely is not interested in giving the conclusive argument. He just wants me to stop arguing and place my confidence in Him. Not after the fact, not after proof, but He wants from me the same kind of trust in my good faith that I ask of my close friends towards myself. This hit me hard.

He goes on to say...

"The magnanimity, the generosity which will trust on a reasonable probability, is required of us. But supposing one believed and was wrong after all? Why, then you would have paid the universe a compliment it doesn't deserve. Your error would even so be more interesting and important than the reality. And yet how could that be? How could an idiotic universe have produced creatures whose mere dreams are so much stronger, better, subtler than itself?"

Indeed, I do know that I am not the stuff of an idiotic universe! And I desperately need to stop thinking that I, and my opinion, and my ideas about the course of my life, are better than that which God has planned.

You know, I have two more, even more powerful insights that I need to record and possibly get feedback. But I think that putting all three of these "ah-hahs" in a single blog post would be crippling to both myself and anyone who happens to read this blog.

So...I am going to close this post and each of the subsequent Lewis posts with the exact words that he used to close this letter that has struck me so powerfully.

"The Holy Spirit is after you. I doubt if you'll get away!"