Sunday, April 3, 2016

Restoration/Repairs/Improvement

There is a design piece at the Denver Art Museum that grabbed onto me a few years ago and hasn't let go. There is a poem or a story or something that needs to be told about this piece and I have not found the right formula yet, but I will. It is a huge gilded mirror of Italian design manufactured in approximately 1750 and it is glorious. This week I made one of my treks to the museum with my kids and I spent time in the room where the mirror is located and I did some writing and some thinking. (The perfect writing/thinking couches are also located in this room for anyone who wants to sit and study the pieces.) As I was sitting there a number of people wandered into the room. Two different couples who came into the room noted the mirror and remarked that it should be restored or repaired and spoke of how it could be improved with some work. It was not my business to say anything to them but their words broke my heart. This mirror should not be touched, it is perfect just the way it is. I turned to write my thoughts of frustration in my journal when a voice that I refer to as the Spirit commanded me to "look up". I have learned not to ignore it when that voice speaks to me and so I did as I was told. When I lifted my head my face was captured in the mirror and I found that I was staring myself in the eye. Then it washed over me, I need to do a bit more of seeing myself the way I see this mirror. Honestly, I have spent my entire life hearing from others and from the voices in my head that I would be worthy once I restored some part of me or repaired another, make this improvement or that change and then I would be of worth. I found that I was crying as I realized that I do need to make some refinements in myself, we all do, but I am also worthy right at this moment. I am enough. Not perfect. Not anywhere close to where I want to be, but enough for this moment as long as I continue to try and continue to be forward looking. This is fairly huge for me and I will not be able to just swallow this attitude change overnight, but I did leave the museum with a greater sense of calm, peace, and worth than when I walked in.