Be the Flame

Tonight I meditated by candlelight. As I was doing my deep breathing and chanting, I was watching that flame. I watched it burn strong as I breathed in and then watched as it guttered when I exhaled and interrupted the air around it. I began to focus more deeply on that flame. I had a sense that there was something in this flame that I really needed to understand. Then, as I exhaled rather deeply and the flame threatened to disappear, I got it. I have been complaining, to anyone who would listen, about the fact that I (and others like me) am dealing with an addiction that is unlike any other addiction in the world. One cannot simply remove the food, one has to eat to survive. I whine about this every chance I get because I cannot seem to bring myself to a place of eating only what I need to correctly fuel my body and be satisfied. But the little voice in my head was now saying to me, "Be the flame". As I pondered what I know about flames it struck me that a flame is in a similar situation. That wee bit of fire needs air to exist, it must have oxygen to be fed and sustain its existence and as long as a steady and sure supply of air is available, that flame burns tall and strong. But the moment that too much air is introduced, that flame weakens and finds itself in trouble and there is that critical moment when the air flow reaches the point when the flame loses the battle and perishes under the power of the very thing that sustained its life. This is precisely what has been happening to my body for many, many years with food. I have been repeatedly taking in, not what I needed to stand straight and strong, but have been dancing in that danger zone with an excess of food that causes me to sputter and sway and lose power and strength. And, if I continue this dance, the food, or the consequences of taking in that much food, will smother me and I will perish before it was necessary for my life to end. I must learn to be the flame.

Wishes

Many of you have heard me preach about meditation and the power and strength it can bring into a life. I am one lucky gal because my favourite mediation spot is often my big, deep, jetted tub that sits under a huge picture window. Because of where I live, I can bathe, by candlelight, while staring out of this window because there is nobody but the animals to notice me. Nearly every night of late, as the days get longer, I have been able to spot the first star of the evening from my bathtub. And yes, I do still make a wish each and every time I spot that first star. For the past few nights, my wish has been essentially the same and it has been fervent, begging from the depths of my soul. Well, tonight the star answered back. (Ain't it just like me to get a sassy one.) She pointed out to me that she has heard my wish for a few nights in a row now and she feels my angst but the fulfillment of this wish is entirely up to me. It is in my power to see it to fruition or not. I began to whine and beg for some outside assistance because I don't clearly see or believe that I can do it. The star got right back in my face and bluntly stated, "Then you will fail". That was all she was going to offer, she then turned her glittery back to me and refused to offer another word.


I am not gonna lie, I sat there for a few moments in a full-on pout. How dare she talk to me in that fashion? Her job and only serious responsibility is to grant wishes or at least the promise of a wish come true. But then, as I watched the darkness gather outside the window and stared at the candle flickering on the side of the tub and my meditation deepened, I realized that the star had done her job, she had kept her part of the bargain. She had granted my wish. What I want to achieve with my body and my life is one hundred percent in my power. It is wholly up to me. I can choose to be empowered and make correct choices and bring on real change or I can ALWAYS find a reason that it is too hard, or not the right time, or that I do not have the support structure to make real change.


Thank you, Miss Sassy Star. I will do all that I can to see my wishes through and then pass along what I have learned to make another person's wish come true.