Still in Orlando

Only tonight and one more night here in Florida and then we must return to the real world. I don't wanna! I really do love the humidity, despite my incredibly scary hair and the laid back, Southern attitude and Disney, I just love Disney.

The last couple of days have been good. Yesterday was especially fun. We split up and had a boys' day and a girls' day. This meant that we girls could move at a snail's pace and do some shopping and we could also see some princes and princesses, which we did. We had an especially good time in the line, waiting to meet Princess Tiana and Prince Naveen. Seviah's favorite princess is Cinderella, so we saw she and Belle (my favorite princess) and Princess Aurora first, but then we really needed to see Tiana, as this is Michayla's favorite princess. We were the last family in line before they closed it off and we were so happy. But that meant a 45 minute wait, in the heat. Just a side note on the heat. It does not bother me, but some members of my family are really affected by it. I actually love it, well...except for what it does to my hair. Anyway, as we stood thing this line, we were drawn to the adorable little girls who were in the family just ahead of us. They were obviously adopted as the parents were both blond and so were the two teenaged boys, but the two little girls were African-American. One of the boys turned around and had a Utah Utes shirt on and that gave me an opening and I went for it and congratulated him on NOT wearing a BYU shirt. That got the ball rolling and we were instant friends! We learned that this family is LDS and moved to Florida a year ago from Utah. They are loving Florida, although it has been eye opening for them to be in the mission field. Making new friends is the best way to pass time and before we knew it we had made it to the front of the line and our new friends were ready to meet Tiana and Naveen. That is when the older of their two little girls, Hailey, totally freaked out. She did not cry, but she would have nothing to do with the princess or the prince, especially the prince. He kept trying to get her to come to him and finally, opened his arms and said, "Give me a kiss." There is no way to describe the unearthly scream that issued forth from the throat of our little friend. But it scared the crap out of poor Naveen and sent me into peals of loud laughter...again with my laughter problem. That was enough for our new friends, the parents of little Hailey were mortified and they gave us quick hugs and scurried away. So, when Seviah approached the two characters with her arms outstretched, ready to embrace them, Tiana quipped, "She is not screaming or running or drooling or crying, I like her!" This made Seviah's day, she told the story of this to whoever would listen for the rest of the day. Of course, we had photos taken with Michayla and myself as well, since we were there...Good times!

We also met a number of new interns who have all been on their jobs now for about a week. They are all so excited and love talking to Michayla about what is happening to them. It is making her all the more hungry for the opportunity. Please, anyone who might happen to read this, please pray for her. She really needs this.

We met up with the boys at EPCOT to watch the Illuminations show, in the rain. Yes, we have seen a great deal of rain on this trip. But I don't even mind that! After the show, we did our usual stroll around the Japan pavilion waiting for the crowds to funnel out so that we could meander towards the front and watch the bridge go up and down to allow the fire barge through. We got to the bridge just prior to it lifting and struck up a conversation with the man in charge of the show. He was awesome and answered all the boys pyromaniac questions. We now know all the lowdown on the EPCOT fireworks! Then he invited us to be VIP's at Monday night's show. WOOT! So, tomorrow night (well, later tonight...) we get to sit on the boat at the dock at Mexico and watch them do the show and watch them coordinate it all with the computer board and feel the fire up close and all that good stuff. The boys are beside themselves with excitement and Karl is pretty stoked himself.

We spent today at the Animal Kingdom. Well...we got a late start, we really slept in, but that was okay. We did not get to the park until about noon. But we got to see everything we really set out to see. We saw a ton of animals on the safari and even though Everest broke down twice during the day, we finally got on. I got to do the Primeval Whirl and we got to see the fabulous Nemo show done so magically with puppets. Since it was Sunday, we mostly just walked and talked together and that was perfect. We came back early and did some swimming and I am now catching up the laundry while the others sleep.

I have a total of 9 very painful blisters on my feet and my hair gets bigger every day but I have loved this vacation. I thought I would miss being at the Old Key West resort, and part of me does, but I do love this new resort as well and I am glad that we got to experience it. I pray that when we return in January it is to visit Michayla in her new environs. Now...I am going to go back out onto the deck with a bottle of Irn-Bru and soak up some more humidity...more tomorrow...or the next day!

Another Disney Day

I got up at 6:30 again. This time I just chose to run, rather than trying the fitness center. Too intimidating! It was a glorious morning. It was already quite warm and the humidity was the highest I had felt, this trip. I loved it! I came back at about 7:30 and nobody was awake. So I soaked in the jacuzzi tub for awhile. Got out and still nobody was up. I loaded the dishwasher, transferred some funds and paid some bills online. Still nobody was up. I read and straightened up the apartment and did my hair. Still nobody was up. Finally, it was time for me to go and meet with the realtor again. I forced the others out of bed and I forced Michayla to go with me to meet with Heike. I got the giggles, AGAIN, on the way to the first property. Michayla and I pulled up to a busy intersection (the Crossroads area, if you know Orlando at all) and there were firemen there passing the boot for their yearly fund raiser. Michayla wanted to contribute so she dug around in her purse until she found a five and then fumbled with the window and waved like mad to get the fireman's attention. He was just approaching the car when the light turned green. I was at the front of a long line of cars and had to go. She panicked. She just started throwing money out the window. She threw 2 fives and some ones. The poor fireman was out in the street, trying to gather up this money. She turned to me with this stricken look and blurted out, "I probably just killed a fireman." I was laughing so hard, I could hardly drive and I almost pulled over. Finally, I gathered myself and simmered down to a mere chuckle and could function again. But I was exhausted all over again. I am beginning to think that I laugh with far too much of my body. Everything gets in the act and it just wears me out. I think that I will probably, even likely, die laughing.

We arrived at the first property and I promptly fell in love with it. I called Karl and told him that he had to come and see it. I forced he and the kids to leave the Hollywood Studios Park and come to the parking area for me to pick them up. I left Michayla with Heike to see the next house and went and got the others. I got only slightly lost trying to maneuver the Studios parking lot, but we finally found each other. Karl was not as excited as me about this property. But he is very open to discussion, so we will continue to talk. So many things to consider in this decision.

We finally got back to the Studios and had a lovely time, despite really high crowd numbers. My favorite attraction, "Prince Caspian, Journey to Narnia". We had never taken the time to see this one before, it is so tucked away and seemed rather dull. But...oh my...it was grand, to me. The others thought it was merely "blah" and one young lady in our group stated that it was "stupid". But for me, it was glorious. They did a nice job of both showing how they produced the movie and its effects and then giving a summary of the movie with a short film set in a reproduced set of Aslan's temple area. It just touched me. We were at the back of the crowd, so the room had nearly emptied when I realized what was sitting at the head of the room. The broken altar was there. Tears immediately welled up. I couldn't help it, these books mean so much to me. I stood for a moment and touched the altar and gathered myself and the cast member and my family were very sweet and understanding. It was the best part of my day. Even makes me kind of grateful for the crowds who caused us to try this attraction.

We ended our day with the Tower of Terror and Rock N Roller Coaster, so the boys were content. I loved Tower of Terror, as usual, but I am getting too old for Rock N Roller Coaster. It kills my head and neck. Karl and the younger ones headed back to the apartment via bus and Michayla and I got the car and stopped at Walgreens for a few items and then headed back as well. Michayla gave me a terrible case of the giggles again because she had to go to the bathroom so badly but she refused to use the public ones at a Walgreen's store. So she was in agony by the time we got back to the room. I seriously thought she was not going to make it up to the fourth floor. Then I was laughing so hard that I seriously that I was not going to make it either. Both of us cut it close.

I have a laughing issue. I snort, I bray, I am far too loud, I laugh with too much of my body, I regularly embarrass my kids and my husband, I even come close to peeing my pants, nobody in my family will come anywhere near me in the store when I am reading greeting cards. But there are worse things....

Orlando Continued

I got up early and went and worked out yesterday. I will not use the fitness center again, too many very attractive, thin people. I felt totally stupid. So, I will just jog for my workout for the remainder of the trip! But I still felt good that I got up and worked out!

Yesterday was a day at EPCOT. The crowds are still up in volume so it was not great, but still good, always good to be at DisneyWorld! We were in a wandering mood, so we just meandered and did not stress about hitting any of the rides. We did hit Captain EO, first thing. Karl and I did not remember much about it from the 80's, except that we remember being disappointed in the song. Nothing has changed, the dancing and 3D effects are still great, but the song itself is weak. I was not terribly bothered by Michael Jackson's death, at the time that it occurred, but watching the film yesterday really did get to me. What a waste.

After EO, we just wandered around, since we did not have our lunch reservation at Tutto Italia until 2:00. We did go to Club Cool, where we drank way too much sugary pop and ended up with tummy aches and that caused us to move even more slowly, especially poor Malachi. We headed over to Canada so that I could see Off Kilter and drool over men in kilts, which is my favorite part of EPCOT, but the first show was not until 2:30. And I never made it back, so....will be hitting Canada again later this trip! We spent a lot of time in the Great Britain pavilion because I love the shops there and it is always peaceful back in the garden area, and we were ready to sit out the crowds for a moment. I did slip in and purchase some shortbread squares for every one to eat, to offset the sloshing of the pop. ANY excuse for shortbread!!

We wandered so slowly that we nearly missed our lunch reservation, but we made it just in time and had a FABULOUS lunch! We all tried something different and everybody loved their meals. Mine was spinach gnocchi in a creamy parmesan sauce...it was DIVINE!!

After lunch we just wandered some more. Ended up back in the front where we used our fast passes for "Soaring". I still do not love that ride because of the fear of heights thing, but I don't hate it either. Then we went and sat and watched fish in the Living Seas area until we all realized that we were sooooo tired. A ride on Mission to Mars and Spaceship Earth was all we had in us so we did those two things and then came back to the room without seeing the fireworks, we were just too tired.

We rented "Escape To Witch Mountain" (the new one) and decorated family t-shirts with fabric paints after we ate here in the room. It was a good night. Then we crashed.

I did wear my pink tiara today. I got a lot of "Hey Princess" comments and smiles from the cast members. And, to end our day, we got on the bus to return to the resort and the bus driver smiled and said, "Hello beautiful princess!" I smiled and thought nothing of it, but after the bus was full and we were about to pull away, he made an announcement that everyone on the "coach" had to be on their best behavior because this coach was carrying a royal princess. And yes, I had to stand and curtsy, again. It was delightful. I did turn red, but I loved it!

Oh, one uber funny story from the day...When we were at Guest Services Will Call, picking up our annual passes, Karl was chatting with the older man who was serving us. This gentleman was commenting on the names of our children and how unusual and lovely these names are and asked where the names originated. Karl was explaining (in that Egbert manner of explaining...with WAY too much detail, just like his father) how Kodren and Seviah came from ancestors while the two of them were also working through the details of getting the passes issued. The cast member asked for Seviah's birthdate. Because of his train of thought, Karl assumed that the man was asking for the birthdate of the great grandmother that Seviah was named for. He looked at me in a panic, since I am the genealogist of the family. I did not know what was the matter until he started to try and give the man an approximate date for Great Grandmother Seviah's birth. Then I just lost it. So did the guy behind the glass. Karl looked at me and said, "Oh no, I am my dad." I had to walk away because I hit the snorting point very quickly, I was laughing so hard. I am laughing as I try to type this. Karl was so chagrinned that I had to gather myself and come and work with the cast member to finish our passes. It was so hard. I managed and as soon as I had them in hand, I had to remove myself again so that I could just laugh and guffaw and bray like a donkey. Perhaps that was why I was so tired, so quickly at EPCOT....hmmmm....

Disney trip-Day One-ish

We are in Orlando, for real now! We were here on Monday, but could not check into the Disney resort until Tuesday, which means that we were really here on Tuesday.

I did write a new poem, which can be found at Allpoetry.com, this helped me get through the jet lag that kept me away from 3 to 5 AM Tuesday morning.

We are at Saratoga Springs for this trip and it is beautiful. We checked in an immediately made a friend, Jill. She was awesome! We got checked in and headed for the room and then met our agent down here to go see some properties that we may purchase. We met her in the lobby and while we were talking, our friend Jill and another cast member, came strolling over and then made a huge announcement to the entire lobby and deemed me the queen of the day and crowned me with a pink Disney tiara and a Mickey sticker sash. It was delightful and I stood up and made a huge curtsy. We did not get into a park at all yet, but I do intend to wear my tiara today!

We saw some uber exciting property options and look forward to making an investment here, at some point. I love Heike, our agent, and not the least of this is due to her delightful, German accent. There was rain all day, so looking at properties was a great way to spend the day.

We then made our grocery run to stock the apartment with food and then decided we just needed (not wanted) to swim. So we donned our suits and headed to the pool. We had a wonderful walk along the waterway. I love Florida and the humidity. I know this is nuts, but I do. We had fun in the pool, I even beat Malachi in some strength games! But I will not be able to do this for long!

Now...I am off to EPCOT!! More later!!!!!!!

Captivity

Another very incredible week has gone by in my life. I love my life. I hate my life. I would not have it any other way.

Because of letters from missionaries and long car trips taken with friends this week and great discussions with friends, both those in my family and those who are "family that I choose", I have been thinking about friends tonight as I contemplated writing and also in my scripture study this evening. The idea has been presented, a number of times this week, about the captivity that can come from having people in our lives. This is true. Everyone that we take into our lives is a cost and takes a toll. BUT...I have also been doing ALOT of accounting this week and tonight, I am open to believing that friends, true friends, are just like accounting. In accounting, you must ACCOUNT. You must have the double, mirror entry that balances everything out. And there is no way around it. You cannot hide it or fudge it, the balance must be there. I am beginning to see that we must find this with our relationships. We must find balance, we may be giving too much and not receiving the proper mirror entry that credits our debits and this will cripple us. Finding this balance is not easy. In fact, after tonight's scripture study I do not believe that it is possible without the spirit.

Only God can bring us into balance, especially where these relationships and connections are concerned. God addresses friends a great deal, especially in the Old Testament. He obviously deems it important that we be the "rich man who hath many friends" and have true friends who"sticketh closer than a brother". But we must also be that kind of friend. We must "sharpen the countenance of our friends" by giving honest and real love. But, the most striking thing of all...we can be like Job...if we are feeling as though we are in captivity, we can pray for our friends and then the Lord will "turn our captivity" and we will find freedom. So, tonight as I look at the, rather lengthy, list of friends that I have the opportunity to pray for, I am grateful. I sense that the balance is very nearly available for me to no longer feel captive, but to be free and light and buoyant as I love and am loved in return.

That being said, the Lord is also making it clear that there are those in my life who are debiting far too much, at this time, and are not crediting and I cannot survive the lack of balance with them. I must find a way to free myself from some friends. At least for a time. My balance sheet is not in balance, right now. But the Lord wants it to be, and so do I.

Wish me luck.

Random ahead...

So, Michayla and I saw the last production of our season at the Colorado Shakespeare Festival last night. Measure For Measure. I had forgotten how uncomfortable this play can make me. Perhaps, this is why it is called a problem play!! The Bard throws up a whole bunch of mirrors to humanity with this one and that can be quite painful. I did not enjoy this production as much as I did the rest of this season's offerings. First of all, I missed the outdoor theater. And the very large man sitting next to me in the first act was only part of the reason. Also, I did not feel that this cast had the strength that the other casts had and some of the casting really did not work for me. Also, they set this production in a modern time, but I could not tell you just when that time was and that drove me crazy. I mean, there were zoot suits on some men and regular suits on others and the women all looked to be from the 70's. It was jarring to me. Part of me is sorry that I left my family for the evening to see this particular show.

Hands down, my favorite of this year's offerings was King Lear. Although Our Town took a close second. I had thought that having Lear set in the Wild West would bother me, but after an initial growl, I stopped even noticing. The man who played Lear did so very well. His madness was real but not so flamboyant as to become a caricature. To me, some of the most beautiful words Shakespeare ever wrote come from King Lear. And I would only hesitate for a moment if someone challenged me to make a case for this play being William's greatest work. I am intrigued at the choice to show King Lear and Measure For Measure in the same year, as I think that one of the greatest themes of Lear is that idea of measure for measure...what goes around, comes around. Also, both shows carry the theme of the price that the innocent so often pay due to the actions of those around them who are prideful and selfish. I have to say it...Damn! But that Shakespeare could write!

As I look forward to now taking 15 young people to depth in the works of Shakespeare for the upcoming school year, I feel much weight. I have seen, in the recent past, attempts at teaching Shakespeare to young people that caused them to hate this body of work and literature in general and I so desperately want to have my students come away with a love of these things. Above all else, I want them to come away with a love of words and great wordsmithing. I want them to feel the power that can be inherent in each word that we both speak and write. Let's face it, I am scared spitless. But I will keep preparing and continue to consider each scholar and their particular needs.

Words...words save me every, every day. I have found great sources for words of love, strength and power and those sources keep me afloat. God chooses His tools so carefully and He keeps them as sharp and as clean and as free from rust as those tools will submit themselves to being. I look at myself and all of my rough edges and I so long to be one of His clean, sharp and shiny tools. But for all of that longing, I am also lazy and wussy and I just need so. much. work. At times it is enough to make one want to just stay in bed. But...But...BUT....just when I am about to give in and climb back between the sheets...God sends me words. God uses one of His tools that is in better shape than I to inspire me and cause me to submit, yet again, to His grinding wheel. Ouch, what exquisite pain. May it never end. May He never give up on me. May those "tools" who must continually come to my aid never lose patience or at least never lose the ability to be in tune enough to be there for me. Someday, someday, I will pay it forward.

Seeing Our Town

As part of Michayla's birthday celebration, I took her to see Our Town last night up in Boulder. As an aside, I do find it a great deal of fun to see the entire lineup at the Colorado Shakespeare Festival. I love seeing the actors in such a variety of shows and characters. To see one woman move from Kate in Taming to Goneril in Lear to Mrs. Gibbs in Our Town is priceless.

But back to the show. It was a wild night. In the first act, a fellow patron passed out. He was one of the younger folks in the audience, not one I would have expected to have medical issues, but it was scary. The woman with him stood up to help him out and he just crumpled to the ground. He hit his head of course. If you have never been to the Mary Rippon outdoor theatre, the seats are tightly packed stone benches. He lay under a bench for some time waiting for the medical personnel while the dear man playing the Stage Manager kept going, like a trooper. Finally two techies came and helped him move to the back of the theater and then a few moments later, an ambulance crew showed up and removed him on a stretcher.

We then took the long pause between Act I and Act II. These pauses are critical, I think to giving this show the punch it needs. You need the sense of time passing. While I am on this subject, let me just address what it means to act in this show. I have played Emily, Mrs. Gibbs and Mrs. Webb at different stages of my life, in various productions. I love this play. It speaks to my soul. But it really is a nightmare to perform. I was explaining to Michayla on the way home how much additional rehearsal was required in order to work totally free of a set and props. This particular production had more of a set than I have ever seen and it kind of bothered me. I really do love it when it is just done with the two ladders and the board and the couple of stools. But as an actor, getting all of that mime down is tricky. Only one of the actors in the show last night slipped up on that, that I could see. I got the giggles with Michayla when I pointed out the discrepancy. Mrs. Webb's counter kept changing height levels. Aside from this, it was well executed.

In Act II, the heavens opened. Yes, we were in an outdoor theater. When the rain got serious, the called for a delay. I was praying so hard for it to at least let up so that we could see the end. All of the people that I was with had not seen the show and I was devastated at the thought of having it end in the middle. This show has such power and I dearly wanted, especially Michayla, to hear those closing lines. Luckily, my prayers, or something, worked. We were able to settle in and watch it through to the end, with only light sprinkles. Because of the rain delay, they chose not to take the long pause between Acts II and III. But I think the message got across just fine anyway.

This show, and the words of Mr. Wilder, are powerful reminders of just how aware we need to be of every moment that passes. We must open our eyes and see all that is ours and have intense gratitude for all that we have and love more deeply and repent more readily.

See this show if you ever have the chance. Do not see the Hollywood movie version. It is an affront to Mr. Wilder's purpose. They change the ending and it loses its impact. See it live, that is the only way to go!

A process of emotions...in the end, God can prevail.

It is 5 AM. I cannot sleep. I am thinking I better get some stuff written down or I might hurt myself. I wish there were a way to do a scientific experiment to see just how many emotions one could experience and not have a breakdown....I would be a good case study for this right now.

Emotion #1 - Anguish. There are some that I love with all of my heart who are in pain. This causes me pain. I have written in previous posts about how I sometimes rail against these connections and this very pain. I am not railing against these connections now, even with the hurt. I am glad to be "members in particular in the body of Christ" with so many wondrous souls. In all of this hurt, I realized a new truth last night. As I listened to the devastated weeping of one that I love last night, I started to say that I wished that I could take away the pain. But I stopped as I realized that this was not the case. In this instance, where repentance is needed, I do not yet want the pain removed. The pain is a good thing, here. It is a driving force. Driving someone I love to their knees and, ultimately, into the arms of the Savior. And that is the only real way to remove the pain. I cannot remove it from them and to have such frivolous words fall from my lips does not bring comfort. So, I will hurt along with them, but I will not try to "make it all better". That is an epitome of pride, trying to do what only the Savior can do.

Emotion #2 - Anger. In Proverbs 22:24 we are warned not to have a friendship with an angry man. I guess that means that I should have few friends right now. Because I am an angry elf. This is likely the most poisonous of my current emotions and so why do I have such a difficult time letting anger go. Why do I have this perverse enjoyment or pleasure out of the anger that causes me to hang on to it? I guess that this is proof positive that Satan knows me. He fans the flames of anger and I allow him to do so. In the verse following 24 it speaks of anger as a snare to thy soul. This is an interesting word, "snare". We are indeed trapped when we give into anger. It becomes a loop. It also grows and completely nets us. I am angry because I feel that there are people I love who have not been honest with me and I am angry over decisions made by those who have authority over me that have affected me. And when I stay awake, in the dark, wee hours of the morning, that anger becomes overpowering and I cannot see any light. And before I know it, I am angry with everyone and everything around me, even God and I find myself immersed in the idea of being a victim. And then, yes, I am ensnared. And. It. Takes. So. Much. Work. To. Throw. Off. The. Net. Of. Anger. Which then leads to another emotion....

Emotion #3 - Exhaustion. Well, not exactly an emotion, but a state that does affect me. But this is the beginning of being saved from the darkness. Not at first. At first, the exhaustion is overwhelming and there is a sense that I will never be able to overcome and I will never see light again. There is a sense that I can trust nobody and that nobody understands and that I am all alone. When I hit this point and I am sinking fast, there is a choice. I have made the incorrect choice plenty of times, but this night, I chose the correct choice. I opened the scriptures, in particular, Isaiah. There are more scriptures about exhaustion and weariness and rest in Isaiah than in any other book of scripture. Test it, try it, you will see. I opened up Isaiah. I flipped through the scriptures I have marked in that book and I stumble upon 47: 13, "Thou are wearied in the multitude of thy counsels..." So true! I am where I am because I chose to be here. I chose to love and counsel and be connected with a large number of people. I. Chose. This. And I can embrace these connections or I can just be angry and therefore, perpectually exhausted. And if I do choose to embrace these connections then I better stop feeling sorry for myself and practice with I preach and be in "the body of Christ" and lean on those I can trust (for they are there, despite what my dark anger tries to tell me) and especiallylean on Him.

Emotion #4. Weariness. They may sound the same, but weariness is very different from exhaustion. Weariness involves God. Weariness has an element of humility that opens the door for other opportunities and other, positive emotions. Weariness opens up the door for rest. Again in Isaiah, "The whole earth is at rest, and is quiet: they break forth into singing." At this point in the process, it is time for prayer. I am now humble and pliable enough to offer the true feelings that I need to offer and to hear what I need to hear.

Emotion #5. Chagrin and/or Sorrow. Now is the time when I have to admit to God my stupidity. I must tell him how dumb I am. I must tell him that I just spent a sleepless night, wrestling with the darkness and that I chose to do it alone and not involve Him. I have to hear that heavy sigh from the Lord as He, YET AGAIN, as to remind me that...if I had only involved Him from the beginning that we all might have known some rest through the long night. I, YET AGAIN, have to say. "I know, you told me so. I am sorry. But I am here now." And then I lay it at His feet...well...then I have a bit of a tug of war, or a wrestling match as I attempt to let go of a few things that, in my pride, I am willing to let go of, at this time.

Emotion #6. Gratitude. I still have pride. There is still anger, smoldering, that will ignite again. But it is just smoldering, it is no longer consuming. So, now I can see how blessed I am and how much I have been given. I can see how empowered I am in the gifts and talents I have been offered. I can see as well the responsibility that is mine because of those gifts and talents and I can even have gratitude for this responsibility. So now, I say thanks to Him.

Emotion #7. Peace. Now, now that it is no longer available to me, because it is morning. Now I think I could sleep. Now I am feeling a bit of the peacemaker that I need to be. I am feeling the wisdom that James speaks of in James 3:17-18. The wisdom from above that is full of mercy and good fruit, without hypocrisy. Now the tears of cleansing come. Now I can see where I can be most effective in the lives of those I love. Now I can love again, even. Now I can laugh, at myself, for the idiocy of this entire process, knowing full well that it will happen again, likely before the day is out...