Yes, I do have an illness. I used the word "bug" in the title of this post because it is the only word that I can think of that is a synonym for "severe illness" that begins with a B and I really wanted the alliteration.
Okay, this admission comes as no surprise to any of you, but I have had a few experiences of late that cause me to realize that perhaps it is bordering on a psychosis.
I took a normal friend to the library with me the other day and pulled up my account and she saw the number of books I have checked out, on request, and in the variety of lists I maintain on my library account to check out soon. She was torn between being amused and disturbed. I giggled about it then but later began to really think about me and books. And I began to wish that I had not shown her that particular small symptom in my greater malady. I felt acutely embarrassed.
As I sit here in my library writing, I look around and I see a house that is in desperate need of attention. My guys have been away all week and so it has just been me and Seviah here and we have been intensely busy juggling all that needed doing. So…I sorta have an excuse. However! If you look at any one of my bookshelves in this library or in any other of the various rooms that I stash books, you will find shelves that are in perfect order and every one of my 3000+ volumes have been carefully cataloged on a spreadsheet so that I can locate a book at a moment's notice. And doing the hard work it took to create such a catalogue was one of the happiest times of my life.
I also had a conversation with another friend this week when she inquired as to what I was reading. I responded that I was reading "Mugby Junction", one of my Halloween classics. She seem puzzled and asked what I meant by Halloween classics. I explained that it was one of the books that I read nearly every Halloween time. She didn't seem to understand so I explained that I have classics that I read every year at certain times of the year. She is an avid reader and so I thought that this would make sense to her. It did not. I began to make a few queries with other readers and learned that I am rather alone in this approach.
I did find that one of my students keeps to quite a rigid schedule in her reading. She always knows exactly what book is coming up next on her TBR pile. I am not that disciplined. I do keep the pile(s) in some semblance of a to be read order, usually by what is due next at the library, but I have a terrible time sticking to the order. I get ornery and pull one right out of the middle quite often. But I was grateful to hear of this young lady's approach to reading, it made me feel less alone.
I have pondered on this quite a bit and I have decided that I am not going to continue to be bothered or embarrassed by this behavior. I am too old and set in my ways to change (not really what I believe but it sounds good) and it is just time to be what I am and get comfortable. So I will return to Mugby Junction with all of its train tracks leading so many different destinations and its famous ghost story "The Signalman", the story that the Doctor deemed the greatest short story ever written.
Ah, the Doctor, now there is a whole new Cynthia psychosis...
