Women and the Written Word

Two evenings ago I was sitting in the show at EPCOT's American Adventure. In the course of the show, Harriet Beecher Stowe and her pivotal novel are mentioned. At that moment, a multitude of women's names and their written works began to flood my mind. I realized then that one of the best tools, through the centuries, for women to affect change is by the written work and history has indeed been altered by women and their use of words. And when I asked, on Facebook for people to respond to women authors who have affected them, the responses were varied and powerful. Here are a sampling of the women whose names and words raced through my mind. I am so grateful for these women and for all that they have done and for all of the women who have ever put pen to paper and have changed the world, on every level.

Sappho - possibly the first female writer to be published. Plato called her one of the ten best poets and although her works are chiefly lost to us, the few examples that we have show why she had such influence.

Hildegard of Bingen - She was rather a recluse, but she had a power of vision that stunned the world, in her day and beyond. Popes and kings and other leaders came to her for consultation and her words continue to influence today.

Mary Wollstonecraft - Her essay "A Vindication of the Rights of Women" was the tract that opened the door and pushed the feminist movement to the forefront with a very common sense approach to the need for women's rights.

Catharine Macaulay - One of the best, if not the top, historians of England, she also used the lessons she had learned from her study of the past to advise George Washington in particular, but also a number of our founders relied on her quick and ready mind and writings.

Mercy Otis Warren, Abigail Adams, Dolly Madison - All of these women, along with Catherine Macaulay used letters, essays and editorials to also add understanding and depth to the cause of freedom.

Harriet Beecher Stowe - Her books, and in particular, "Uncle Tom's Cabin" were said, by Abraham Lincoln to be a major force behind the Civil War and the change it affected in this nation.

Simone de Beauvoir - Her book "The Second Sex" brought existentialism and sexism throughout history to the forefront. There was intense reaction, positive and negative, but it was a pivotal work in the feminist movement.

Betty Frieden - Love it or hate it, "The Feminine Mystique" totally changed the world and I am grateful for freedoms and opportunities that are mine today because of women like her and her words.

Anne Frank - This young woman became the iconic figure for millions of victims and gave a personal face to so many silent voices. She moved the entire world with her journal. Don't tell me that journals are not important!

Uta Hagan - I know it might sound frivolous to some, but her "Respect for Acting" brought method acting to the every day and changed the theatre and my life forever.

Rachel Carson - Like other women mentioned here, she affected the course of politics and politicians with "Silent Spring" and offered an awareness of issues of science to the layman. President Kennedy spoke of how she changed the world for him and that caused change for the entire world.

Ayn Rand - "Atlas Shrugged" has been listed for decades as one of the world's most influential books. It is no wonder. It is a well written story as well as opening the eyes of the world to the dangers of government control run rampant.

J.K. Rowling - She made reading cool and I cannot thank her enough for this feat.

There are so many others that have influenced me personally, but that is even more boring than this list, which is likely being read by nobody at this point, but the ah-hah was powerful for me and made me proud to be a woman after considering the power of women, even in times of struggle for women, throughout history.

You go girls!

I am fascinated by centipedes. They are all over the place this time of year, here in Florida. (It is also lovebug season, which is a NIGHTMARE, but that is another story...) Today, as Karl, Seviah and myself were taking a walk, Karl picked up a large centipede on a leaf to show Seviah what they look like from the side view. It is so intriguing to me how they can look so cool, calm and collected on the surface and be making such great time and then you look from another angle and there is a helluva lot of work going on to create that smooth, rapid pace. But, despite all of those legs moving, it is not disorderly, in fact it is one of the most smooth and precise movements I have seen in all of nature. The way that those many feet undulate and coordinate to make such a perfectly smooth rhythm is stunning. I desperately want to be like a centipede. I have so many things and people that I love that I juggle and I want them to all get what they need from me in the most proper order so that I can keep a smooth and rapid pace through life. I have a long way to go, but wanting this kind of order is a start, I hope. As I walked and thought about this, a favorite piece of poetry popped into my head, as it so often does. (No more comments from the peanut gallery about all of the useless quotes, poems and other bits and pieces that reside in my head.) I thought of my very favorite poem by Robert Frost. The only one of his (except for the wee Zacchaeus one) that I have memorized. And I memorized this one because it makes me yearn and tear up and occasionally even weep or sob because this is the woman I want to be, this is what the centipede looks like, in human form. Oh, I love this poem and I am glad to have it pop into my head as I face another birthday in a few hours and contemplate where I have been and where I am going. I will spend the next year working to be a centipede or a silken tent! And here is the poem, for anyone who is still even reading this...

The Silken Tent

She is as in a field a silken tent
At midday when the sunny summer breeze
Has dried the dew and all its ropes relent,
So that in guys it gently sways at ease,
And its supporting central cedar pole,
That is its pinnacle to heavenward
And signifies the sureness of the soul,
Seems to owe naught to any single cord,
But strictly held by none, is loosely bound
By countless silken ties of love and thought
To every thing on earth the compass round,
And only by one's going slightly taut
In the capriciousness of summer air
Is of the slightlest bondage made aware.

Don't You Want Me?

I had a great time sitting with my friend Jenny at the baseball game today. I hate that I have some great friends that I only see during certain sport seasons. Jenny and I as well as my friend Jane and I have made a pact not to allow this to continue and we are going to make certain that we make time in our busy lives to spend a few moments together hiking or going to lunch.


A funny thing happened today as Jenny and I were visiting. We were in the middle of an intense conversation and suddenly Jenny's husband, Mike, (Who is also my friend and a great guy) got frustrated with a call from the umpire and said something to him. Now you need to understand that Mike is a stoic and quiet kinda guy and he is also the principal of the local high school and the umpire is one of the students at the school. So it was kind of a shock to have him say anything. The funny part is that Jenny and I both, in total unison, leaned back on the bleachers. I did not notice, but Jenny did and she started to laugh and pointed out our body language, our effort to distance ourselves from Mike. It was a cute moment as Mike rolled his eyes at us. But it got she and I thinking. This morning, Jenny had interviewed Michelle Dugger on her radio show (ChannelMom for anyone who is interested, you can find her on my FB, under my "likes". She does a great show). It was a good interview but Jenny felt that there were moments when she had to distance herself from Michelle's overt Christian language in order to make certain that all of her listeners were included and comfortable. Jenny and I talked about whether or not this is a problem. Jenny is a Christian herself but she understands the need to make certain that everyone feels included. She also takes great care not to get overtly political on her program. She has no choice where the program is concerned, but she and I both wondered if we do that too much in our every day lives. Do we tiptoe to carefully around people rather than expressing our true feelings? We are both strong women and have found ourselves in trouble, more than once in our lives, for expressing our opinion too boldly. But we do not want to be so careful that we negate ourselves or any opportunities to share our beliefs or the things that we have learned.


We decided that it is a fine line and we both need work in this area. It was a very good talk and Jenny helped me to put into conscious thought some things that had been pressing on my mind. I want to be a strong woman. But I do not want to be, in the words of my friend Jerry, "a cast-iron bitch"! I am also still struggling with my overwhelming need (right now) not to need anyone but myself. Jenny reminded me (as so many have this week) that I will become that cast-iron bitch if I do not allow others into my life. But there is danger in this, there is the real possibility of pain. This week, I found myself crippled by such pain and feeling so incredibly worthless that I was not functining. If I don't need people, this won't happen again. But that is more of that "distancing" that Jenny and I were discussing today. And distancing is dark. It is lonely. It is safer, but it is bleak. Sigh...I will cotinue to work on this, but I am thinking that I am going to have to want and need people, no matter how hard I try not to rely on anyone but me. Okay, rambling done. Time to rest. G'night all!

People Who Need People?

"Friends can help each other. A true friend is someone who lets you have total freedom to be yourself - and especially to feel. Or, not feel. Whatever you happen to be feeling at the moment is fine with them. That's what real love amounts to - letting a person be what he really is." -Jim Morrison

"Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage." -Lao Tzu

Someone sent me these quotes today. I appreciate that they were trying to help. I am now trying to decide if I believe these quotes at all. Right now I don't think that I do. I have been reminded in the past couple of days that there can be danger in believing that one is loved and also in believing that one can love. We are human and I do not know that we are capable of really loving. I can see how badly I screw up attempting to love. I claim that I love deeply, but I just don't seem to get it right. Whether it be my appearance or the words I offer or even my presence, I seem to bumble about and just cause problems. I want to really offer love, but I mess it up every time and those around me pay such a price. As I was pondering my shortfalls today I wondered if Christ ever felt like this when he was on earth. I claim him as my savior and I tell others that struggle that he has felt their pain and confusion and frustration. So...does that apply to me? Did Jesus ever feel incredibly ugly and hopelessly clumsy? Did he ever have times when he questioned his every move and word that came out of his mouth? Did he feel a desperation about walking out the door of his home for fear of having to face others and possibly at worst, cause them pain and at best, be thought a fool? I simply cannot picture this when I think of him. I suppose that I am going to have to ask God about this and try to get a sense of whether or not I can find the humility to believe that Christ does indeed know about feeling ridiculous and insecure. Hmmmm...guess I better hit the books and my knees...again...

Tears For Fears

More reunion musings... Upon driving away from the reunion, Mom and I were both loath to leave the Valley. We went to my Uncle Jerry's and packed up and then decided to stop for dinner in the form of a fresh raspberry shake at the Red Baron Drive In. We took our shakes and drove up to Fairview to get a look at the old homestead and the old dry farm and finally the cemetery. As we finished up and finally had to head to Cokeville and were driving out of the Valley, I startled my mom by bursting into tears. She asked if she needed to drive and if I needed to pull over. I told her I just had to cry for a bit and talk it out and asked if she minded. In just a few seconds, she was in tears as well and we both had a good cry that was much needed. The tears were not all bad, there were good tears as well, but it had been a tough day for me. Mostly my tears were from fear. I am not a person who is often consumed by fear but I was at this moment. I am afraid that those tender kisses that had been offered by a few folks that day might be the last kisses I receive from them. I am afraid that some members of my family will soon have nothing more to do with me and are pulling away from me and from others and I love and need them. I am afraid that watching someone I have loved my whole life not know me is a precurser of things to come. I am afraid that I am not living up to an incredible heritage. I am so very afraid that I am a disappointment to those who have gone before, most notibly my dear great Grandma who taught me so much and my Lord. I am afraid of being the generation that must keep family legacies going strong. I am afraid of not being a little girl whose uncles and aunts and grandparents are always looking out for every day. And the good tears. I am happy that I come from such an incredibly beautiful place and such amazing people. I am happy that I am strong and have withstood so much because of my upbringing and was reassured in a blessing from my Uncle Jerry that I could withstand more and even conquer. I am happy that I have such fabulous children who are strong and level headed and always responsible in a world where responsibility is fast becoming a precious commodity. I am happy that I do know that there is a God and that I come close to believing that he loves me, even though I am so messed up. I am happy that I had that road trip with my mom and that we giggled and cried our way across Wyoming and had adventures and deepened our appreciation for one another. I am happy that she and I were able to be representatives for the Jack Harmon family. How heartbreaking it would have been if there were none from our family there. I am even happy that I have a bit of vocal talent, even though I am still gonna kill my mom for asking me to lead "Little Green Valley" and I am VERY happy that I forced her hand and Bev and Christine's hands so that they came up to help me lead that very emotional song to end this year's program. Yep, a fairly equal mix of happy and fear tears. All in all, I am glad I went. I am grateful for going home and the powerful restorative powers that are available to me in those little Wyoming towns. I am grateful to hear people talk right. I wish the rest of the world understood that a crick is where you swim on a hot day and that if one does not talk with a bit of a slow twaingy drawl, then one is letting the world and their words go by too fast. I am grateful for cousins and aunts and uncles that make me feel like I am not lost or ugly or silly (well not too silly) and that I have something to offer. I am grateful to love and be loved and as I write these words, there are tears again. I did not expect that, but I am even grateful for the tears. They let me know that I am feeling and that is what I want more than anything. I want to feel, fully and deeply, every day of my life. Tears and even the fears that they may represent make me real and I never want to stop being real. I love you all! Good night.

The First of Many Lessons That Must be Recorded

I have learned a number of lessons and gained some powerful insight over the past few weeks, with the opportunity to connect with family on both sides. I am so lucky. I am sorry for all of the rest of you but I am blessed to have the greatest cousins and aunts and uncles in the whole world. I am so taken care of and protected and I cannot express my gratitude. I plan to record all or most of the things that I have learned over the coming days, but tonight I really need to record something so sweet that occured today. Mom and I stopped in Kemmerer because they have an Artic Circle there and we LOVE that place. Fry sauce and Lime Rickey's are my friend. Anyway...as we sat there eating, we started watching a little boy who was there hanging out with his papa while his mom was working behind the counter. He was about 18 months old and he was not cute in a conventional way but was adorable once I started really watching him. It only took me a few moments of watching to realize that he was above average in intelligence and he was really crafty. I love that in kids. The play area where he was hanging out with his dad was an addition and had different tile than the actual restaurant. His dad made it very clear to him that he was not to pass the line made by the differing tiles. He was flirting with me and wanted to go past that line in the worst way. I was trying so hard not to be a temptation, but he was so dang cute. He would watch his dad and then he would approach the line and the would take his toes right up to the edge and then he would lean his body as far as he could over the line, just to see what Dad would do. I was totally cracking up. He would hold this stance for a moment and then he would give up and turn around and run around the play area and act like he did not care at all about that line. But I knew that he was still plotting, you could see it in his face and I know kids. He approached the line over and over and did the same thing, but he never actually stepped even a toe across that line. I was also watching his dad and I could see his dad becoming more and more relaxed as this game went on, secure in the knowledge that his boy understood the boundaries. Then it happened. He turned away from the line and started running around the play area, came back to the line in what appeared to be the same game, but he did not stop at the line, he just kept running and I am telling you, he was running with all that he had in his little self and he was fast! It took his now relaxed father a moment to realize what had just occured but he was soon in pursuit of the cunning little runaway and snatched him up. I was about under my table with glee. It was great. The kid did not even cry when his dad scooped him up. He just gave his dad a long, hard look and I could see that he was already plotting his next escape. It was such a great moment, I loved it. But then I got in the car and I began to think and what I recognize as the spirit began to work on helping me think and I realized that I was loving that performance because that was totally looking in the mirror. I am absolutely that little boy. Time and time and time again, I take my toes up to the line and I lean my body over that line and sometimes I almost fall with seeing how far I can go without actually crossing the ilne. And I am so prideful that I think that I am fooling my Father. I think that I can lull Him into complacency about me and when I get just prideful enough to believe that He is not looking, I make a run for it. I have even thought I got away with it more times than I care to admit. But I never really get away with anything. Something always comes along to scoop me up and put me back within my boundaries. Sometimes I throw a tantrum about this, but not often, I am not really a tantrum kind of person. Usually, I am like my little toddler friend and I just immediatly begin plotting my next move. Will I ever learn? I don't know. I have a lot of good people who I love and who profess to love me who are in place and giving me swift kicks in the butt on a regular basis, so perhaps there is hope. We shall see. In the meantime, I am so full of gratitude for an insane amount of blessings that are mine in my extended family. It is almost embarrassing, but I am not ashamed enough to give any of them up. They are mine and again I apologize to the rest of you who must settle for second best. Thanks for listening, keep yer stick on the ice.

This week has found my mind returning over and over and over again to the same place. And today, with Jeff Davis' funeral and a blog post from someone who is important to me as well as a couple of messages received from friends, I find that I must get some thoughts down on paper. I have had a life filled with friends and acquaintances and it has been a rich life. But I have not really known what it means to have "best friends" in my life until very recently. Now I know. I do not know how I ever lived without having a very select group of people that I can trust with anything, up to and including my life and soul. Today I had some time to think and ponder what it would mean to me if I were to lose one of these people, through death or through misunderstandings or just me being stupid. Just considering this loss was overwhelming. It nearly made me want to sever ties with these people right now just to be in control of that pain. Tonight I am living in fear of loss and that is not productive, but that is where I am sitting. I preach connection and relationship constantly but tonight I fear just those things. I fear those things because I realize that there is opposition in all things and there is corresponding pain to all the powerful strength that is mine through my close relationships. Am I willing to chance the pain to have the strength and love and power that comes from my best friends? There are conflicting answers to this question in my mind and heart right now, but mostly I realize that I am willing to chance the pain. I need these people and others beyond this select group. I need people. Am I one of "the luckiest people in the world" because of this newly discovered need for people? Tonight I do not see it that way because I can see that I am close to losing a couple of those friends and just the thought of this loss is sending such pain coursing through me that I feel as though I am dying myself. So just for tonight I am going to wish that I could go back, that I could remove the ties that bind me so deeply to a few souls. But I cannot go back, I must face the pain and the strength and everything in between that comes with forming deep relationships of love, trust and respect. We shall see what tomorrow brings.

My Easter thoughts

My time spent Saturday among the icons at the Greek Orthodox Shrine in St. Augustine was a powerful experience. This caused me to take my Easter studies in an iconic direction. (Yes, pun very much intended!) So today I began by focusing my thoughts on Mary. Some of you know that I have a collection of art (mostly by Michelangelo) depicting Mary and that the Pieta is likely my favorite work of art ever. Those pieces were haunting me as I went to sleep last night so I got up this morning and pulled out my Gospel of Mary, or as most scholars call it, the Protevangelium of James. While this work is apocryphal, it moves me and I love it. As I was reading this short work, I was struck by these women of scripture that make up the story of Christ. My prayer as I began this day was for help to find myself and to solidify my role in this life and what I need to do to really fulfill my mission and purpose. I received powerful answers from the women in these words of James. First Anna. I relate so deeply with Anna (as well as a number of other women in scripture) as she anguishes over her inability to have children. And she begs and she pleads and she goes into a mourning process until she is finally blessed with a beautiful baby girl whom she names Mary and turns over to the Lord to be his servant. As I read, I remembered my own struggle to conceive and my own anguish and subsequent gratitude when children finally came into our home. And then there is Mary. I can make no comparisons or connections with Mary, aside from wanting to be like her one day. Her purity, obedience, fortitude, stillness and elegance are all that I strive for. Next we come to Salome. I cannot relate to Mary, but I can relate to Salome. I am so often too quick to judge and always too quick to open my mouth. Now I just need to strive to respond when I realize my mistakes as Salome did and fall to my knees quickly and apologize for my big mouth and the foot hanging out of said mouth. Finally there is Elizabeth. She comes earlier in the story but I saved her for last because today, as I studied, I received a beautiful reassurance as I studied about Elizabeth. She had the faith to bear John the Baptist and to understand his role as well as the role of Mary and her child. And when Harod's soldiers came to kill her son, she snatched him up and she ran. She obeyed Zacharius and did not reveal to him to where she was running and he gave up his life in innocence swearing that he knew not where is son was to be found. But she was old and she was tired and she could not run as far or as fast as she wanted, with all of her mother's heart to run. So she stopped and she turned it over to God and told God that she had reached the end of what she could do and looked for a hiding place and there was none, she gasped out the words, "O mountain of God, receive a mother and her child." And that mountain became translucent to them, and an angel of the Lord was with them and protected them. (Chapter 22, verse 3).

I want to be like all of these women, but I was given to understand today that I must be like Elizabeth. I may be old and fat and tired, but there is a way for me to carry each of my children and to demand, from the Lord, the protection that each of them need. It is my responsibility as their mother to make the proper request of the Lord and then move forward with them in my arms to take full advantage of that protection and guide them towards the mission and purpose that is theirs during this existence. For each child it will be different. Just as Mary fled to Egypt while Elizaeth took to the hills, both to protect from the same danger, I must find the path of protection for each of my children and they will all be different. And now I end writing to go and beg for the strength and ability to live up to such a task.

At Odds

I got up at five, before we got word that Malachi's bible study class was cancelled. I tried to go back to sleep, but I found myself lying in bed and thinking. (Yep, OH NO!) I was pondering on the article that a friend had posted on his FB wall and requested that I read. He is trying to help me kick my soda habit. I realize that I have an addiction. It is not my first addiction, likely won't be my last. I was also experiencing some pain as I was lying there and that made me mad and I scolded my body for failing me. My body answered and reminded me that I have done plenty to fail it as well. That set me to thinking on an even deeper level.

My faith, and so many other faiths are based on the idea of a resurrection, a rejoining of our soul and our body after death to a pure state. But I am not so sure that my soul wants to be back together with my body. I find that very often these two entities are at odds with each other. Or are they? Perhaps what I like to blame on my carnal/body side is just as ingrained in my soul. Perhaps I will never be fit to reach a pure state. Hmmmm....does my soul play any part in my addictions? If so, can I ever really overcome this flaw in myself? And if my soul is the better part of me, how do I tap into that better and use it to overcome my weaknesses? Will I ever really reach the point where I feel that I can call myself a child of God. It is so easy to see that other people are His children, but so hard to see that I ever had a connection with Him. I realized as I lay there that part of my job, if I ever hope to feel that connection with Him, is for me to find a better to connection between my body and my soul. I need to know my body better. I need to treat it better. I need to remember, more consistently, that my brain, which is the only part of me that I like, is only capable of continuing to function on a healthy level if I do my part to keep the shell that houses that brain in good working order. I have not had to work very hard at this. I have always been healthy. These past two weeks, I have not felt so great and that has been very eye opening. I don't like not feeling great, but it is my job to make sure that I do all that I can to feel well. I need to focus less on how I fill my brain and more on how I fill my brain's handy carrying case. I have much work to do. I hope that I can find the discipline to do the work and find this connection within myself and then perhaps the connection I need to God.

And now...I have thought and thinked and thunk myself right into needing a nap. My body says so...

Secret Languages

Today, two people that I love came very close to calling me an "oompah loompah". It was all in jest, of course, and I am certain that seems to be no big deal to you. However, that name is the worst of all possible monikers as designated between me and another close friend. It was a word we use to describe the few people that we hate and still smile. This got me to thinking tonight about the secret languages that I share with those with whom I have close relationships. As I started to catalog some of these "secret" words in my head, I realized that I have a large number of them and this made me smile. As I took this thought process even deeper, I realized that the use of this kind of "secret language" helps to provide the intimacy that I so often crave. Such words shared between friends and loved ones gives a sense of belonging and comaraderie. I need this in my life. I am certain that all people do, but I am so all about the connections in my life that these words are sweet tokens of that closeness and kinship.

Words are so incredibly important to me. My love language is "words of affirmation". My entire day, and beyond, can be altered by a single word. Is that bad? Do I need to adjust a bit? I often get hurt by words as much as I get lifted by them. I see language as an entity. I konw that sounds very strange, but I do. I realized this today when my friend Brian posted today about speaking Swedish with a couple that he ran across today. I saw the Swedish language as an entity, a friend that Brian has not been able to engage with in a long time and I was so happy that he was able to bring that friend of his out and embrace her again. (Yes, languages are usually female, except for Russian and German and a couple of Slavic languages...oh, and Latin...that is definitely a guy.)

So...as if y'all did not already think I was weird, I am certain that I just sealed the deal. But I am grateful for words and language and the intimacy and connection I have with those I love from the special and even secret words that we share. I am grateful that no matter how low I may get, I have an entire library of words that I can turn to and find comfort and strength and connection with people who understand, even if they are long since dead. (Thus my anger with Socrates. The nerve of that man to deny me his words, from his own hand! What a self righteous jerk. I cannot wait to say that to his face.)

"In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God and the Word was God." Even defines himself as The Word. Yep, even He understood the importance of language in our lives. And as I pondered this tonight, I realized that I would like to have a few more "secret" words with my God. I realized that I would like that kind of intimacy with Him. I think I did have just that once, but I have moved away from Him of late and I need to reconnect and that means I gotta find the right words to offer Him.

I am afraid that my words are the best thing that I have to give anyone, from God on down. So, whoever you are, if anyone is even reading this, please know that the words I give to you are never given lightly. I consider every word, especially those I write. Perhaps this is why I love Facebook so much. I am much better on paper than in person!!

Affection=True Christlike Love?!

So, in my studies this morning, I found the following quote by C.S. Lewis...

"The moment when one first says, really meaning it, that though he is not 'my sort of man' he is a very good man 'in his own way' is one of liberation. It does not feel like that; we may feel only tolerant and indulgent. But really we have crossed a frontier. That 'in his own way' statment means that we are getting beyond our own idiosyncrasies, that we are learning to appreciate goodness or intelligence in themselves, not merely goodness or intelligence flavoured and served to suit our own palate. 'Dogs and cats should always be brought up together,' said someone, 'it broadens their minds so,' Affection broadens ours." (This is from The Four Loves, for those who care to know a reference.)

Lewis uses this word "affection" a great deal in a number of passages in this and other works. As I have been reading these passages this morning, and in particular the quote that I just offered, I am on fire! This is what I hunger for and what I hope that I emulate in my life. This is what I feel that I have begun to discover in the past few years of my life and it is indeed LIBERATING! I love Lewis' use of that word "liberation". In so many ways, that is what I have found and I am so grateful for it. I yearn for others that I love to find similar freedom and peace. I cannot begin to describe the color that has been added to my life because I felt the liberation and allowance to explore beyond the limits of my own idiosyncrasies. In opening myself up to learning to appreciate all of the goodness and intelligence in other cultures and beliefs, I have truly expanded my own palate and come to realize that I can find truth and peace in all tenets, creeds and doctrines. I can truly say that I am coming to see that I can appreciate anybody on their own 'goodness and intelligence' without such a need for them to be like me.

This "affection" as Lewis terms it, is what I think the world truly needs more of, it always has, but especially now. We claim to be at a time of enlightenment and tolerance, but from where I sit, it seems exactly the opposite. And I also think I know how we can find it, at least I know how I have found it. I have found it through stillness. I was forced to it through tragedy that threatened to overwhelm me, but I am grateful for everything that I have experienced in the past 6 years because I was indeed forced to go still in order to survive and I was also forced to look beyond what I had been told all my life and truly search for myself and that has made all the difference. It has not made my life easy, and I continue to question, which is uncomfortable, but it has made it rich and beautiful and absolutely filled with incredible people of every walk of life. I am indeed an awfully lucky being.