I have been thinking long and hard about trials and God's hand in them, of late. I have mentioned the fright that my friend, Andy, gave us all recently. But this illness has awakened an Andy that I have been praying to see. And he readily admits that the changes that he has been forced to face have been a blessing in his life. Now, I am not saying, IN ANY WAY, that I would have wished what happened to Andy to have happened. Quite the opposite is true. But the fruits that this trial is bringing to life are truly a blessing. In fact, I find myself tearing up as I write this, because I am so grateful. First, for his health and second for his more tender heart.
Now, another family that I love is facing a similar challenge. Some poor choices led a young man into a terrible car accident. I believe that, in the end, he will be healed. But I wonder if this consequence of his choices will lead this precious man to step back and realize that his choices led to this and that he needs to re-evaluate and make new choices from this day forward. This realization, along with many fervent pleas for his recovery, are now a large part of my prayers.
Some of you know that I am not a stranger to tragedy. I have lost some people that I love to some ridiculous situations. Some through their choices, or the poor choices of others, some through just the consequences of human existence. But each time these kind of things occur, I hear so many people say so many different things. I hear, "God sent a wake up call" or "God loves this person so much that He will do whatever it takes to save him" or "I am glad that God is in control of all of this". And I get confused. How much is God's hand in these things? I would seriously love to hear people's thoughts on this. I have mentioned this kind of thing before, but I am still seeking answers. And you all know how I feel about free will and how free will is God's greatest gift to us. So...where does free will end and God's control begin? I am very aware that God is there and that He is aware of me, but I think He is often very hands off, at least from my perspective.
Your thoughts...
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
Sunday, November 20, 2011
It is in my genes...
Yesterday I did get my Christmas early. It is a new weapon. We went into the new Big R store in Conifer for the grand opening and I finally found the handgun that I really can get excited about, after years of pondering and looking. And I did punish the boys with it in our target practice. But that is not what this blog post is about, not really.
I mentioned the background check on my FB wall and got an interesting thread that included me and my cousin, Jennie, discussing our handgun choices and her husband's recommendations (he is in law enforcement). This led to the following post, from another cousin, David Price..."The conversation between Jennie and Cynthia reminds me of the advice given by Great Grandma Estella Harmon to her oldest son Jack when he left home to work on a ranch in Cokeville. "Watch out for those wild Cokeville girls". That blood runs true..."
David said the very thing that would mean most to me in the world. Nothing could be more wonderful to me than to be one of "those wild Cokeville girls". I would love to think that I could emulate my grandma, Lydia, who saved all of the other women at the hunting camp one year by disposing of a pesky porcupine! These are the stories I grew up with. These are the great women who raised me. A bunch of wild Cokeville girls. (And of course, the refined Afton gentlewoman who offered that warning, my Great Grandma Mary Estella Brown Harmon, my hero.) I want to be like these women, the women who carved out a life in what was essentially wilderness. I want to be able to take care of those around me with such fortitude and reflex as the women from whom I am descended. They seldom had the luxury of pondering and weighing and journaling a decision, they just had to act and they very rarely gave their choices a second thought. I need better reflexes.
However, I have pondered and studied this for many years. I have come to believe that these "reflexes" are in me. They are somewhat atrophied and rusty from lack of use. But I truly do think that we carry some or even much inherited memory that allows us to build and grow on previous generations. Yes, as my friend Helen and I frequently discuss, along with those positives, come the carried forward negatives as well and it is up to us to be a cleansing generation, as much as we are able, for the negatives. But we, or at least I, need to really consider the inherited memories or reflexes that are mine and utilize them more fully. In fact, I have even come to believe that as we work to eliminate the negatives from the past generations and utilize the positives that carry forth in each of us, that those who have passed on are engaged in the fight with us and will be there to carry us and help us along.
May we all strive to utilize fully all that we have been offered from those who went before is my prayer right now. Thanks for listening!
Signed, A Wild Cokeville Gal.
I mentioned the background check on my FB wall and got an interesting thread that included me and my cousin, Jennie, discussing our handgun choices and her husband's recommendations (he is in law enforcement). This led to the following post, from another cousin, David Price..."The conversation between Jennie and Cynthia reminds me of the advice given by Great Grandma Estella Harmon to her oldest son Jack when he left home to work on a ranch in Cokeville. "Watch out for those wild Cokeville girls". That blood runs true..."
David said the very thing that would mean most to me in the world. Nothing could be more wonderful to me than to be one of "those wild Cokeville girls". I would love to think that I could emulate my grandma, Lydia, who saved all of the other women at the hunting camp one year by disposing of a pesky porcupine! These are the stories I grew up with. These are the great women who raised me. A bunch of wild Cokeville girls. (And of course, the refined Afton gentlewoman who offered that warning, my Great Grandma Mary Estella Brown Harmon, my hero.) I want to be like these women, the women who carved out a life in what was essentially wilderness. I want to be able to take care of those around me with such fortitude and reflex as the women from whom I am descended. They seldom had the luxury of pondering and weighing and journaling a decision, they just had to act and they very rarely gave their choices a second thought. I need better reflexes.
However, I have pondered and studied this for many years. I have come to believe that these "reflexes" are in me. They are somewhat atrophied and rusty from lack of use. But I truly do think that we carry some or even much inherited memory that allows us to build and grow on previous generations. Yes, as my friend Helen and I frequently discuss, along with those positives, come the carried forward negatives as well and it is up to us to be a cleansing generation, as much as we are able, for the negatives. But we, or at least I, need to really consider the inherited memories or reflexes that are mine and utilize them more fully. In fact, I have even come to believe that as we work to eliminate the negatives from the past generations and utilize the positives that carry forth in each of us, that those who have passed on are engaged in the fight with us and will be there to carry us and help us along.
May we all strive to utilize fully all that we have been offered from those who went before is my prayer right now. Thanks for listening!
Signed, A Wild Cokeville Gal.
Friday, November 18, 2011
Fear
I cannot seem to get away from fear right now. All that I am doing seems to be fear motivated. And fear is not a motivator for long term change. But the world is such a scary place. My friend, Andy's far too close a brush with death, the revelations that continue to pour out from Penn State, the concern I have had about taking my kids downtown, something we used to like to do before Civic Center Park was "occupied", the aging I feel in my body, the many people around me who need me and who I cannot be there for, not as well as I should, the fact that there is NOBODY running for president that I care to vote for, in any party, the constant reality hanging over me that I am not all that I profess or hope to be. So many things in all of our lives that just seem so overwhelming. Now...the real problem...I know exactly what I would say to someone else who said the things that I just said and I do NOT want to hear them. I do NOT believe them right now. God is just a concept and the Word is just that, words on a page. This, of course, adds to the fear. I realize that I will cycle out of this and will soon be working from anger and then from other emotions and then from testimony and I will be okay again, but for now fear is ruling my life.
In an effort to move past the fear, I have joined that program that Reesha has been touting for some time now, myfitnesspal.com. (Such a gift that something this great is free.) It is offering me some control in some part of my life and that is helping. It is true that there is less fear when one has knowledge and is making choices based on real knowledge. One step at a time. Hopefully, taking this step will bring me out of fear in other areas as well...
In an effort to move past the fear, I have joined that program that Reesha has been touting for some time now, myfitnesspal.com. (Such a gift that something this great is free.) It is offering me some control in some part of my life and that is helping. It is true that there is less fear when one has knowledge and is making choices based on real knowledge. One step at a time. Hopefully, taking this step will bring me out of fear in other areas as well...
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)