Monday, May 2, 2011
Anniversaries
Today was a semi tough day. May 2nd always will be to some degree. I do realize that these anniversaries are silly to some folks, especially a number of men in my life, but I find that I need to observe them. Because of who I am, I will never totally stop grieving those that are lost to us for a time. And there is a part of me that embraces these emotions. They are so real and cause me such focus and stillness, that I appreciate these anniversaries for the introspection that they offer. They cause me to not only remember great women like Kelsey and Kjersti, but also help me take stock to be a better woman myself. Days like this remind me that I do not know how long my mission will last and I must make the most of each day. There are those of you that I love that get uptight with the remembrance of these anniversaries, and I am very comfortable with your need to just grieve when you will. I ask the same for me, I need these days, they keep me both grounded and fed.
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Grief causes all of us to act in different ways; some of us clam up and pretend not to remember - but the truth is, we always do.
ReplyDeleteI believe there is always a reason for feeling the way we feel, for grieving the way we do, because we are all built differently. I agree with you, that it helps us take note of the things we should appreciate, and really take an inventory of our lives and how blessed we are.
I do not share this anniversary with you, but I do keep you in my heart, always. Thank you for being such a help to me these past few years, even when I lose it and email you in melodramatic moments of weakness.
Best - -
Amber :)
There is no pattern for grieving, however I find that at some point it turns from the scraping, raw grieving - the emptiness - to just missing having that person in your life. I'm not sure how to describe that differentiation; where you turn the corner. I do focus on enjoying what this person brought into my life and what a blessing it was.
ReplyDeleteAnd today hurt again. I only knew one K-girl, but darn it. She was precious.
Oh Ellen, thank you so much for your statement "there is no pattern for grieving". Too many people, many of them health care personnel, want to make you believe that there is a pattern and that you are somehow not right if you do not fit the prescribed pattern. I have learned that grief, as you well know, is an extremely intimate and personal process. I have been asked to describe the turning of the corner that you portray in your comment. There is not a way to express that change, only to experience it. You always express things so well and I thank you. And darn it, we have lost far too many precious ones.
ReplyDeleteYes, it is so strange how grief pops up and strikes at any moment, like a gunshot, but really more like an arrow-- sudden and unexpected yet silent and piercing; a swift arrival...from the Holy Spirit?...we are forced to perceive, and handle. It is these moments, and ones LIKE them, that offer me proof there is more to this cluster of senses here on earth. It is these moments, and ones LIKE them, that offer me an opportunity to examine my defaults. I love you sisters!
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