Captivity

Another very incredible week has gone by in my life. I love my life. I hate my life. I would not have it any other way.

Because of letters from missionaries and long car trips taken with friends this week and great discussions with friends, both those in my family and those who are "family that I choose", I have been thinking about friends tonight as I contemplated writing and also in my scripture study this evening. The idea has been presented, a number of times this week, about the captivity that can come from having people in our lives. This is true. Everyone that we take into our lives is a cost and takes a toll. BUT...I have also been doing ALOT of accounting this week and tonight, I am open to believing that friends, true friends, are just like accounting. In accounting, you must ACCOUNT. You must have the double, mirror entry that balances everything out. And there is no way around it. You cannot hide it or fudge it, the balance must be there. I am beginning to see that we must find this with our relationships. We must find balance, we may be giving too much and not receiving the proper mirror entry that credits our debits and this will cripple us. Finding this balance is not easy. In fact, after tonight's scripture study I do not believe that it is possible without the spirit.

Only God can bring us into balance, especially where these relationships and connections are concerned. God addresses friends a great deal, especially in the Old Testament. He obviously deems it important that we be the "rich man who hath many friends" and have true friends who"sticketh closer than a brother". But we must also be that kind of friend. We must "sharpen the countenance of our friends" by giving honest and real love. But, the most striking thing of all...we can be like Job...if we are feeling as though we are in captivity, we can pray for our friends and then the Lord will "turn our captivity" and we will find freedom. So, tonight as I look at the, rather lengthy, list of friends that I have the opportunity to pray for, I am grateful. I sense that the balance is very nearly available for me to no longer feel captive, but to be free and light and buoyant as I love and am loved in return.

That being said, the Lord is also making it clear that there are those in my life who are debiting far too much, at this time, and are not crediting and I cannot survive the lack of balance with them. I must find a way to free myself from some friends. At least for a time. My balance sheet is not in balance, right now. But the Lord wants it to be, and so do I.

Wish me luck.