MIA

Yes Mandy, tonight I am in a foul mood as well. So...this will be reflected here. I am grumpy because I am missing people tonight. I am missing people who have passed on. I miss my grandma and my great grandma. I wish that I could talk to them again, because they would let me complain about the knuckleheads in the family. But...they had power, especially Great Grandma and she would then knuckle down on the knuckleheads.

I miss some people who I have not actually met. I miss Socrates. I would love to sit down with that little man and have him tell me to snap out of it and get out of the cave and go learn something and "stop trying to be a politician and please everyone, eventually they will kill you for it."

I miss people who are still around but because of circumstances or distance or something someone said or just plain busyness, I can no longer have them in my life. I miss my Russian literature buddy. I also miss the one who ran off into the sunset with my Russian literature buddy. (Those of you who know the story, I am sorry, but I do miss them.) I miss my sister whose life is so crazy (as is mine) that we just never seem to be able to be together. I miss those who have moved away physically and those who have forced to move away figuratively because I am a dork and I do or say the wrong thing, in the wrong way.

God is making it increasingly clear that the things that I need to face over the next period of time in my life need to be faced alone and that there will be more folks that will come up missing for me. I do not understand. While I am definately one who needs her solitude to stay sane, I so do not want to be alone. I suppose that the answer may be that He is inviting me to turn more fully to Him, and I am trying. But sometimes, I get grumpy and I get tired and I feel like I do my best to help a number of people and then I have a Ray Kinsella moment and I say, "What's in it for me?" In other words, this entire blog post is just one big pity party after a rough day filled with me learning just what a dork I can be! Guess I better go and find something POSITIVE to self medicate with (I said positive, Andy!) before I really dig myself into a state... Sheesh...