Restoration/Repairs/Improvement

There is a design piece at the Denver Art Museum that grabbed onto me a few years ago and hasn't let go. There is a poem or a story or something that needs to be told about this piece and I have not found the right formula yet, but I will. It is a huge gilded mirror of Italian design manufactured in approximately 1750 and it is glorious. This week I made one of my treks to the museum with my kids and I spent time in the room where the mirror is located and I did some writing and some thinking. (The perfect writing/thinking couches are also located in this room for anyone who wants to sit and study the pieces.) As I was sitting there a number of people wandered into the room. Two different couples who came into the room noted the mirror and remarked that it should be restored or repaired and spoke of how it could be improved with some work. It was not my business to say anything to them but their words broke my heart. This mirror should not be touched, it is perfect just the way it is. I turned to write my thoughts of frustration in my journal when a voice that I refer to as the Spirit commanded me to "look up". I have learned not to ignore it when that voice speaks to me and so I did as I was told. When I lifted my head my face was captured in the mirror and I found that I was staring myself in the eye. Then it washed over me, I need to do a bit more of seeing myself the way I see this mirror. Honestly, I have spent my entire life hearing from others and from the voices in my head that I would be worthy once I restored some part of me or repaired another, make this improvement or that change and then I would be of worth. I found that I was crying as I realized that I do need to make some refinements in myself, we all do, but I am also worthy right at this moment. I am enough. Not perfect. Not anywhere close to where I want to be, but enough for this moment as long as I continue to try and continue to be forward looking. This is fairly huge for me and I will not be able to just swallow this attitude change overnight, but I did leave the museum with a greater sense of calm, peace, and worth than when I walked in.

We need a return to the scientific method

Because of a class on science and religion that I have been writing the curriculum for and teaching this semester much of my personal study has been along scientific lines. As I have studied I have come to see something that really bothers me. So many scientists spend their time and energy trying to make data fit what their theories rather than letting curiosity drive their efforts. And don't try to tell me that this is following the scientific method because I don't believe this. Today I was researching what occurred between the work of Samuel G. Morton and Stephen Jay Gould's ridicule of Morton's work. In going to extremes to show that Morton falsified his work due to bias, Gould himself proved to be biased toward the other extreme and rather embarrassed himself by being more political than scientific. A few scientists and reviewers went so far as to call Gould's work "propaganda". Gould spent his energy working to discredit another scientist and making him look ridiculous rather than taking Morton's work and reworking it towards greater understanding and that is unfortunate. Luckily other scientists took the work of both men and gave us a better understanding of the genetics of intelligence. I read about this and so many other instances where scientific efforts seem to be to jump so immediately to proving a theory that the methodology is compromised and that is so frustrating. I don't know how, but it would be so wonderful to have a full return to following the true scientific method and to a real, juicy curiosity as what drives our science.

The more that I have thought about this, I realize that this is not merely a problem with science, this is a problem across the board. This kind of closed mindedness runs throughout our culture and this is so frustrating to me. Religious folks spend their energy finding one or two scriptures with the right translation to say just what they want to hear from God and that is that, they have found what they need and they are done searching. In the political realm the same thing occurs, someone finds one line or amendment in the Constitution that says what they want it to say and that is what they cling to and lose the vision of the big picture. I could go on and on but you get the idea.

Being open minded is not easy, it can be downright scary, but we need to be as open to new ideas and expanded facts as possible. I am not one of those "back in the good old days" people, I like my modern conveniences, but I do wish that we could return to as sense of curiosity, wonder, and discovery as motivators and move beyond the overwhelming need to BE RIGHT AT ANY COST. So there.

Earthing

I have been traveling in misery. I have severe plantar fasciitis in one of my feet and I have been working so hard to enjoy this trip to Florida without complaining and still getting around and keeping up with everyone. Some days have been better than others but it has mostly been agony.



Until today. I don't know why I didn't think of it before now but today when I arrived at Bok Tower/Gardens to meditate I had the brilliant thought to do some earthing and so I immediately took my shoes off and began wandering through the grass, soft sand, and dirt. HEAVEN. I was pain free for the first time in weeks and the peace was incredible. I was stunned how jarring it was when I left the grass and hit one of the paths. It wasn't even an asphalt path, just a manicured dirt one with wood chips but I immediately felt pain again and my peace quickly drained away. I ran back to the grass and stood there wishing that I could stay on that grass forever. (For the record, I adore my girl Michayla who made my toes pretty so that I could take this photo of my pathetically fat and flat feet!)

I could not stay there forever and I had to put shoes back on and return to the real world and in a couple of hours I have to return to the real, REAL world and that world is buried in snow and so earthing will be impossible for some time to come. Sigh. But I return to that world with more steadiness and peace because of the time I spent meditating and being with family over the past couple of weeks. I now understand more than ever the need to create a sanctuary in my own space such as Edward Bok did for America with his Tower and Gardens. Thank you Mr. Bok, for this and in so many other things, you are a true hero to me.

Nature knows best

I had a frustrating experience on the beach last night. I have always had such powerful meditations on the beach to the sound of the surf. For me, God's voice is heard in the surf more clearly than almost anywhere else. This beach visit has been anguishing because of heavy rain and last night was really my first chance to meditate on the beach. Something that I love to do at night but last night was different. I could not connect, I could not find my way into my usual meditative state and I felt so desperate and anxious and then I descended into a place of darkness. It was my fault, I am aware of that. There is much to learn from this, mediation has always come so easy for me but I need to be reminded that it is work and I sometimes need to put in some effort.

But the bigger lesson struck me this morning as I sat on the beach yet again with a book of poetry and found myself back in my meditative groove. It hit me that the meditations I have done recently at the Bok Tower Gardens have been powerful and filled with peace and truth. As I came to this realization it dawned on me that this is the voice of God that I need to hear right now, the voice found in the garden, among the trees, the flowers, the Spanish moss, and the meandering paths. There are times in my life when I need the voice heard in the surf, the energy and the power that is found there, but not right now, right now I need stillness and foundational strength that comes from the voice of a huge Live Southern Oak. And it's okay because there will again come a time when I need to hear the voice found in the surf.

In the end I am grateful for the gift of mediation and my ability to receive strength from the voices of nature and I am doubly grateful that God knows best what voices I most need to hear.

God without qualifiers

Each day as I drive to and from my favourite meditation place I pass a church that has a sign out front that states the following "OUR GOD IS AWESOME". Every time I see this I find myself wanting to stop and rip off the word "our" and run away. I have not really stopped to think about why until it struck me today after a powerful, loving, and moving meditation. While I am quite certain that the "our" is inclusive and not meant to exclude others, it could be taken that way and I hate that thought. If an "our" is placed in front of God then it can be understood that there is a corresponding "your" or "their" God. It hit me that this is part of the world's ongoing religious struggle. We keep trying to qualify God but the Being that I worship is not to be qualified. The powerful affirmation that I received in my meditation today indicated to me that I am a treasure. I believe that this affirmation came from God and I believe that the same affirmation can be applied to every soul that lives, has lived, or ever will live on the earth. God. Is. Awesome.

When I Grow Up I Hope to be a Live Southern Oak

The first photo is my tree. Well, not officially, but I call it as mine all the same. I spent my Sunday mediation time studying a live Southern Oak and this is what I aspire to be when I one day. But I must specify that I want to be the oak in the first photo. The oak in the second photo is struggling because it has not stayed ahead of the Spanish Moss and it may have lost enough leaf surface area to cause it to lose its ability to feed itself properly and that will be a death knell. While I was sitting and meditating beneath the branches of the huge, healthy tree in the matter of only a few seconds I was able to spot a squirrel, a jay, a flicker, a chickadee, a stag-horn fern, resurrection fern, mushrooms, lichen, and, of course, Spanish moss, not to mention a huge variety of insect life. All of these creatures were being supported by the magnificent tree. The tree has reached this state of magnificence because it learned balance as a young sapling. It was aggressive enough to keep its leaf growth ahead of the Spanish moss and used the food from those leaves to anchor itself deeply into the ground so that it could withstand the buffeting of the winds even with the added stress of the Spanish moss throwing off its equilibrium. As the tree grew and its large branches formed and spread other plants found a home there, air ferns and bromeliads settled in on the branches and found their way into the forks of branches and thrived. Birds nested in the tree, squirrels feasted on the acorns and insect colonies grew in its bark and roots and it took care of all of these plants and creatures and more.

As I contemplated all of this I came to understand that this is what I need to be in my life. I need to be like the oak who understands that it must aggressively make certain that it has enough of its own leaves and surface area to be fed so that it is strong enough to sustain all of the other lifeforms that rely on it. And with that foundation and strength, I need to allow others to lean on me and grow from me. But, like the resurrection fern, if those who are leaning on my don't find their own water, food, and nutrients, then they shrivel up and go dormant and there is nothing the tree can do, the fern is on its own. So much food for thought here that I am still trying to process. I love meditating in nature, I always get so much for my brain to chew on.

Wrapping it all up

I have been home for a couple of days and have processed a few things and have a pretty good idea of some of the best things that I came away from this trip to England with and I am grateful.

-I understand with even more conviction that the British Isles is the place where magic truly does originate. And London is some sort of a magic portal. Whether it is scoring the perfect seat in the house for a midnight play at the Globe on the spur of the moment or having an old friend be in London at the same time as me so that we can exchange love and hugs or having a couple approach us and offer us a free day pass on the Underground that they will no longer be using, London and England just seem to come up with just the perfect thing to make me feel at home and loved.

-Life is just full of surprises. I was to see four shows while attending the summer school with the Shakespeare Institute and there was only one that I was rather dreading, The Jew of Malta. Well…guess which of the four shows ended up being my, hands down, favourite? Yep, that dreadful Jew. And it didn't even have anything to do with the fact that the play uses my name, which leads me to my next ah-hah…

-It is super fun to have your name used by actors onstage! I have a name that lends itself to having that happen and I discovered what a thrill this is for me. I have read my name in the works of Shakespeare and of course Ben Jonson (he wrote a whole play titled with my name) but there is just something that makes me feel like a little kid at Christmas to hear my name from a great actor.

-I was reminded, yet again, that I have every right to an opinion and that I have done the work involved in being able to critique whatever show I may see, even a RSC production. This is not easy for me to remember, I sometimes lack the confidence to feel as though I can question anything like a director's choice or an actor's performance, but I was reminded repeatedly over the past two weeks that I have earned the right to my opinion.

-I saw that previous generations have done some really stupid things in the name of practicality and I was quite frustrated with some of the people who have gone before and the silly choices they made. Then I began to wonder what a few generations down the line will be saying about me and us…

-Finally, I was reminded that I really must not judge a book or people by their cover. The most interesting and intriguing people can come in quite plain packages and it is such a shame at what we may miss out on because of those snap judgements. (I hope people remember that when they have to look at me!) I was grateful to wrap up my time there in our last night in Stratford with a couple of gems that Erin helped me to get to know who are brilliant women who have worked hard to be strong and aware women and I am so grateful for the time I was able to spend with them and for what they gave to me, not the least of which was to make me feel welcome.

Thank you Erin. Thank you England. Thank you to the RSC and the Shakespeare Institute. I am so much the richer for all that I was able to experience. What a privilege.