Earthing

I have been traveling in misery. I have severe plantar fasciitis in one of my feet and I have been working so hard to enjoy this trip to Florida without complaining and still getting around and keeping up with everyone. Some days have been better than others but it has mostly been agony.



Until today. I don't know why I didn't think of it before now but today when I arrived at Bok Tower/Gardens to meditate I had the brilliant thought to do some earthing and so I immediately took my shoes off and began wandering through the grass, soft sand, and dirt. HEAVEN. I was pain free for the first time in weeks and the peace was incredible. I was stunned how jarring it was when I left the grass and hit one of the paths. It wasn't even an asphalt path, just a manicured dirt one with wood chips but I immediately felt pain again and my peace quickly drained away. I ran back to the grass and stood there wishing that I could stay on that grass forever. (For the record, I adore my girl Michayla who made my toes pretty so that I could take this photo of my pathetically fat and flat feet!)

I could not stay there forever and I had to put shoes back on and return to the real world and in a couple of hours I have to return to the real, REAL world and that world is buried in snow and so earthing will be impossible for some time to come. Sigh. But I return to that world with more steadiness and peace because of the time I spent meditating and being with family over the past couple of weeks. I now understand more than ever the need to create a sanctuary in my own space such as Edward Bok did for America with his Tower and Gardens. Thank you Mr. Bok, for this and in so many other things, you are a true hero to me.

Nature knows best

I had a frustrating experience on the beach last night. I have always had such powerful meditations on the beach to the sound of the surf. For me, God's voice is heard in the surf more clearly than almost anywhere else. This beach visit has been anguishing because of heavy rain and last night was really my first chance to meditate on the beach. Something that I love to do at night but last night was different. I could not connect, I could not find my way into my usual meditative state and I felt so desperate and anxious and then I descended into a place of darkness. It was my fault, I am aware of that. There is much to learn from this, mediation has always come so easy for me but I need to be reminded that it is work and I sometimes need to put in some effort.

But the bigger lesson struck me this morning as I sat on the beach yet again with a book of poetry and found myself back in my meditative groove. It hit me that the meditations I have done recently at the Bok Tower Gardens have been powerful and filled with peace and truth. As I came to this realization it dawned on me that this is the voice of God that I need to hear right now, the voice found in the garden, among the trees, the flowers, the Spanish moss, and the meandering paths. There are times in my life when I need the voice heard in the surf, the energy and the power that is found there, but not right now, right now I need stillness and foundational strength that comes from the voice of a huge Live Southern Oak. And it's okay because there will again come a time when I need to hear the voice found in the surf.

In the end I am grateful for the gift of mediation and my ability to receive strength from the voices of nature and I am doubly grateful that God knows best what voices I most need to hear.

God without qualifiers

Each day as I drive to and from my favourite meditation place I pass a church that has a sign out front that states the following "OUR GOD IS AWESOME". Every time I see this I find myself wanting to stop and rip off the word "our" and run away. I have not really stopped to think about why until it struck me today after a powerful, loving, and moving meditation. While I am quite certain that the "our" is inclusive and not meant to exclude others, it could be taken that way and I hate that thought. If an "our" is placed in front of God then it can be understood that there is a corresponding "your" or "their" God. It hit me that this is part of the world's ongoing religious struggle. We keep trying to qualify God but the Being that I worship is not to be qualified. The powerful affirmation that I received in my meditation today indicated to me that I am a treasure. I believe that this affirmation came from God and I believe that the same affirmation can be applied to every soul that lives, has lived, or ever will live on the earth. God. Is. Awesome.

When I Grow Up I Hope to be a Live Southern Oak

The first photo is my tree. Well, not officially, but I call it as mine all the same. I spent my Sunday mediation time studying a live Southern Oak and this is what I aspire to be when I one day. But I must specify that I want to be the oak in the first photo. The oak in the second photo is struggling because it has not stayed ahead of the Spanish Moss and it may have lost enough leaf surface area to cause it to lose its ability to feed itself properly and that will be a death knell. While I was sitting and meditating beneath the branches of the huge, healthy tree in the matter of only a few seconds I was able to spot a squirrel, a jay, a flicker, a chickadee, a stag-horn fern, resurrection fern, mushrooms, lichen, and, of course, Spanish moss, not to mention a huge variety of insect life. All of these creatures were being supported by the magnificent tree. The tree has reached this state of magnificence because it learned balance as a young sapling. It was aggressive enough to keep its leaf growth ahead of the Spanish moss and used the food from those leaves to anchor itself deeply into the ground so that it could withstand the buffeting of the winds even with the added stress of the Spanish moss throwing off its equilibrium. As the tree grew and its large branches formed and spread other plants found a home there, air ferns and bromeliads settled in on the branches and found their way into the forks of branches and thrived. Birds nested in the tree, squirrels feasted on the acorns and insect colonies grew in its bark and roots and it took care of all of these plants and creatures and more.

As I contemplated all of this I came to understand that this is what I need to be in my life. I need to be like the oak who understands that it must aggressively make certain that it has enough of its own leaves and surface area to be fed so that it is strong enough to sustain all of the other lifeforms that rely on it. And with that foundation and strength, I need to allow others to lean on me and grow from me. But, like the resurrection fern, if those who are leaning on my don't find their own water, food, and nutrients, then they shrivel up and go dormant and there is nothing the tree can do, the fern is on its own. So much food for thought here that I am still trying to process. I love meditating in nature, I always get so much for my brain to chew on.

Wrapping it all up

I have been home for a couple of days and have processed a few things and have a pretty good idea of some of the best things that I came away from this trip to England with and I am grateful.

-I understand with even more conviction that the British Isles is the place where magic truly does originate. And London is some sort of a magic portal. Whether it is scoring the perfect seat in the house for a midnight play at the Globe on the spur of the moment or having an old friend be in London at the same time as me so that we can exchange love and hugs or having a couple approach us and offer us a free day pass on the Underground that they will no longer be using, London and England just seem to come up with just the perfect thing to make me feel at home and loved.

-Life is just full of surprises. I was to see four shows while attending the summer school with the Shakespeare Institute and there was only one that I was rather dreading, The Jew of Malta. Well…guess which of the four shows ended up being my, hands down, favourite? Yep, that dreadful Jew. And it didn't even have anything to do with the fact that the play uses my name, which leads me to my next ah-hah…

-It is super fun to have your name used by actors onstage! I have a name that lends itself to having that happen and I discovered what a thrill this is for me. I have read my name in the works of Shakespeare and of course Ben Jonson (he wrote a whole play titled with my name) but there is just something that makes me feel like a little kid at Christmas to hear my name from a great actor.

-I was reminded, yet again, that I have every right to an opinion and that I have done the work involved in being able to critique whatever show I may see, even a RSC production. This is not easy for me to remember, I sometimes lack the confidence to feel as though I can question anything like a director's choice or an actor's performance, but I was reminded repeatedly over the past two weeks that I have earned the right to my opinion.

-I saw that previous generations have done some really stupid things in the name of practicality and I was quite frustrated with some of the people who have gone before and the silly choices they made. Then I began to wonder what a few generations down the line will be saying about me and us…

-Finally, I was reminded that I really must not judge a book or people by their cover. The most interesting and intriguing people can come in quite plain packages and it is such a shame at what we may miss out on because of those snap judgements. (I hope people remember that when they have to look at me!) I was grateful to wrap up my time there in our last night in Stratford with a couple of gems that Erin helped me to get to know who are brilliant women who have worked hard to be strong and aware women and I am so grateful for the time I was able to spend with them and for what they gave to me, not the least of which was to make me feel welcome.

Thank you Erin. Thank you England. Thank you to the RSC and the Shakespeare Institute. I am so much the richer for all that I was able to experience. What a privilege.

Do Hard Things

My brain is so full. It has really been one of those days when I see so clearly that what I don't know is infinitely so much larger than what I do know that I despair in ever knowing even a fraction of what I want to know.

I learned so much today but one thing that kept coming through clearly to me was that the world is really only changed or improved by those who are willing to do hard things. I live in a world where I do not have to do hard things. I am privileged and spoiled and that means that I have a great deal of responsibility and it is up to me to find hard things to do and then do them. So many of the truly hard things have been done by those who have gone before and I am a product of all of that sacrifice and I need to take great care to not take this lightly. Just as the tour guide in the crypt at St. Paul's reminded me repeatedly, "Try always to remember how these people around you contributed to who you are". William Shakespeare, Ben Jonson, Christopher Marlowe, all of the Early Modern Theatre authors did a very hard thing. The playhouses of their day were places of radical political thought and expression. The works of these men were revolutionary and in some cases semi-illegal. This is part of the reason for the authorship struggles for at least some of the plays. Some plays were controversial enough as to be "vagabond plays". (Vagabond, broken down, means vague in your bond, in other words, nonspecific in the assignment of an author to protect said writer.)

We all need to do hard things. I NEED TO DO HARD THINGS. I find myself more than a little bit ashamed and embarrassed at how readily I have stood on the backs of so many others who have done hard things. I've been willing to enjoy the fruits of hundreds of years and generations of people who willingly did hard things. I don't know how to remedy this slothfulness quite yet (refer to my blog on slothfulness for a full understanding of why I use that word) but I am asking. I fear the answer, but I am asking.

Insiders

Okay, this post really isn't about insiders, per se. I am just being silly since yesterday's post was titled outsiders and this post is about quite the opposite.

Let me start by saying that we did see Othello tonight and yes, the rumors are true, BOTH of the male leads are men of color. I am overwhelmed by the performance and my heart is full and I am still processing so that is all I am going to say at this point about this production other than to wish, with all of my heart, that it were possible for all of you to see it. It is an amazing effort and it is always fun to watch and play the "which episode of Doctor Who did I see that person in" game.

So…insiders as opposed to outsiders. I learned today that I get a serious high when I get to hear the really down and dirty scholarly stuff concerning Shakespeare and his contemporaries. I would have thought that I would have been more interested in the actors and directors that is really proving not to be the case. The woman who opened the day (Professor Laurie Maguire of Oxford) offered an amazing lecture this morning. What made it so delightful is that she had experienced a powerful ah-hah during last night's performance of Volpone and she had deviated from the planned syllabus to present her new understandings to us. What she offered was an understanding of the fact that Volpone is an inversion of the story of Othello, produced shortly after Othello made its initial appearance. I will not bore you with these comparisons, nobody who is reading this really cares. But what came alive for me is the friendship/competition that William Shakespeare and Ben Jonson enjoyed. They really did push each other and play off of each other and caused each other to stretch, grow, and improve. These two men have always been important to me but they came alive in a new way today. I am really grateful that they had each other. They were very different men from different backgrounds but they really did appreciate one another and I look forward to the day when I can kiss Ben Jonson on the cheek, for his own work but really for his tremendous efforts to make certain that the world received the works of Shakespeare in a grand folio so that these works can still be changing lives today. I think he will understand…

I have also enjoyed watching two adorable British women who attend the Shakespeare school every summer together and have for many years. They befriended Erin last year and warmly accepted me as well this summer. They have been friends for most of their lives and have chosen the theatre and particularly Shakespeare as the common ground to keep their friendship alive even though they now live in different parts of the country. Erin and I spoke of how marvelous such a lifelong friendship is and what comfort and stability it brings. As we were speaking of our two friends, we were also observing a table of women who were seated near us in the restaurant where we were eating dinner. These women were obviously a group that gets together quite often to enjoy drinks and chatting. But at one point in the evening they turned to a bit of gossiping and I felt uncomfortable for those women of their group who were not with them that evening and wondered at how they would feel if they knew what was being said of them. I know that this is personally a HUGE fear of mine, that people are not really saying nice things about me once I leave the room. I won't dwell on this but it made me think as my day seemed to be so centered on friendships and inclusion that we need to make certain that we are not engaging in disparaging discussions of others when they are not present.

I am grateful for so many friends and right now I am especially grateful for Erin and her patience and her quiet humor and strength. This has been a delightful and comfortable trip and I am so blessed that I have Erin and others in my life that I can travel with and learn and grow with and be liked in spite of my many foibles.