Be the Flame

Tonight I meditated by candlelight. As I was doing my deep breathing and chanting, I was watching that flame. I watched it burn strong as I breathed in and then watched as it guttered when I exhaled and interrupted the air around it. I began to focus more deeply on that flame. I had a sense that there was something in this flame that I really needed to understand. Then, as I exhaled rather deeply and the flame threatened to disappear, I got it. I have been complaining, to anyone who would listen, about the fact that I (and others like me) am dealing with an addiction that is unlike any other addiction in the world. One cannot simply remove the food, one has to eat to survive. I whine about this every chance I get because I cannot seem to bring myself to a place of eating only what I need to correctly fuel my body and be satisfied. But the little voice in my head was now saying to me, "Be the flame". As I pondered what I know about flames it struck me that a flame is in a similar situation. That wee bit of fire needs air to exist, it must have oxygen to be fed and sustain its existence and as long as a steady and sure supply of air is available, that flame burns tall and strong. But the moment that too much air is introduced, that flame weakens and finds itself in trouble and there is that critical moment when the air flow reaches the point when the flame loses the battle and perishes under the power of the very thing that sustained its life. This is precisely what has been happening to my body for many, many years with food. I have been repeatedly taking in, not what I needed to stand straight and strong, but have been dancing in that danger zone with an excess of food that causes me to sputter and sway and lose power and strength. And, if I continue this dance, the food, or the consequences of taking in that much food, will smother me and I will perish before it was necessary for my life to end. I must learn to be the flame.