At Odds

I got up at five, before we got word that Malachi's bible study class was cancelled. I tried to go back to sleep, but I found myself lying in bed and thinking. (Yep, OH NO!) I was pondering on the article that a friend had posted on his FB wall and requested that I read. He is trying to help me kick my soda habit. I realize that I have an addiction. It is not my first addiction, likely won't be my last. I was also experiencing some pain as I was lying there and that made me mad and I scolded my body for failing me. My body answered and reminded me that I have done plenty to fail it as well. That set me to thinking on an even deeper level.

My faith, and so many other faiths are based on the idea of a resurrection, a rejoining of our soul and our body after death to a pure state. But I am not so sure that my soul wants to be back together with my body. I find that very often these two entities are at odds with each other. Or are they? Perhaps what I like to blame on my carnal/body side is just as ingrained in my soul. Perhaps I will never be fit to reach a pure state. Hmmmm....does my soul play any part in my addictions? If so, can I ever really overcome this flaw in myself? And if my soul is the better part of me, how do I tap into that better and use it to overcome my weaknesses? Will I ever really reach the point where I feel that I can call myself a child of God. It is so easy to see that other people are His children, but so hard to see that I ever had a connection with Him. I realized as I lay there that part of my job, if I ever hope to feel that connection with Him, is for me to find a better to connection between my body and my soul. I need to know my body better. I need to treat it better. I need to remember, more consistently, that my brain, which is the only part of me that I like, is only capable of continuing to function on a healthy level if I do my part to keep the shell that houses that brain in good working order. I have not had to work very hard at this. I have always been healthy. These past two weeks, I have not felt so great and that has been very eye opening. I don't like not feeling great, but it is my job to make sure that I do all that I can to feel well. I need to focus less on how I fill my brain and more on how I fill my brain's handy carrying case. I have much work to do. I hope that I can find the discipline to do the work and find this connection within myself and then perhaps the connection I need to God.

And now...I have thought and thinked and thunk myself right into needing a nap. My body says so...